Happy Birthday

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Today is my Dad’s birthday.  He would have been 65.  I started out the day at work. 

I admit I was a bit preoccupied with the importance of this day.  When a customer came through my line and commented on liking my tattoo, my mouth was on auto pilot.  I went into the belt buckle, the lettering being my Dad’s writing, how my kids are getting the same tattoo with Papa.  How he was diagnosed.  And… that it was his birthday today.  She was very polite and kind and listened to me as if we were best buds.  When she walked away I shook my head wondering what I was thinking or doing or both. 

After work I had a meeting and some errands to run.  Then the kids and I did our annual balloon letting.  We get 6 balloons, blue ones (Dad’s favorite color).  I get little gift tags and each of us writes a birthday message, or any message.  They are private and we don’t share them with each other.  We drive to the parking ramps in Rochester, to the top (it’s where Dad worked and a good place so the balloons don’t tangle in trees).  We attached our notes of love and misses and let the balloons fly to heaven.  Yep, each year I get teary.  Each year is cold, it’s January for crying out loud.  But we don’t care.  We all watch the balloons until we can hardly see them anymore.  We all got ready to get into our cars when my kids hugged me, and each other!  Even Amanda and AJ.  I think Amanda’s friend Tiffiny got the ball rolling with hugs, but who cares, my kids hugged each other, all 3 of them.  That touched me tremendously.  Those of you who knows us and knows the turbulence our family has endured over the years can appreciate how much that meant. 

It was after that when the depression started kicking in.  I wanted to lay in bed, and did for 5 whole minutes.  Then I grabbed the credit cards, thought I’d hit Savers since I was going to be home alone and didn’t like the thought.  Then I thought about going to my sister’s house, but changed my  mind.  I ended up calling Melanie.  Or she called me, I can’t remember.  It’s Saturday night, pizza night usually and I thought I’d go with.  But we ate at Beetle’s.  Yum!  Me, Mel, Steve, Danny and Gabrielle.  The food was good, the service SUCKED! I had this same waitress before and barely tipped her, this time I didn’t tip her at all.  I usually tip over 20% if they are good.  We were there 2 hours just to eat a meal.  Happy hour finally started and a mini-band came in to play 60’s 70’s music.  Gabrielle wanted to dance so badly.  None of us wanted to and I decided I would.  Maybe it would help my mood. It did.  We danced up front by the band.  Her twirling around and around.  How is it kids can make me feel so much better.  Her simple desire to just dance and then be happy after doing it.  I wanted that feeling and I got it to some extent.  I’m thankful for those in my life.  Melanie for listening to me.  My husband for worrying and calling me this evening.  And for Gabrielle for brightening up my day, if even for just a little bit.

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~ by mamadubs on January 26, 2008.

2 Responses to “Happy Birthday”

  1. So glad you didn’t sit home alone on Saturday night. It is so true what kids can do for a person! Just that smile makes all seem better! As you and I talked, we will always miss our dads dearly! but we have them with us every day! Always have fun when you come out with us….you need to do it more often. Going to have to make a plan to go out on a Saturday night when Jeri is off! Let him and Steve get “crazy”….hahahahha!

  2. Bobbie,
    You are such an inspiration to your kids (and to me too). You have had some rough roads to ride on over the years. You are brave and keep on kicking. I would have taken the cards and gone to Savers myself you know. I will see you on Wednesday. Someone had better have chocolate!
    {HUGS} from me to you, I know what it is like to need one!
    P.S. I am headed to the outlet center in Medford, you just are stronger than I am.
    Missin Roch,
    Jenn

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